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Things are escalating rapidly in Iran. So far, however, there has been relatively little mainstream media coverage. The only regularly updated reports come from twitter, blogs (this one is quite good), and the like.

Are we experiencing a black swan in the making?

Who didn’t see this coming?

The bearded dude behind Iran’s “Lebanon connection” did it again. Well, he did one of his trademark things again. No, he didn’t provoke Israel into a war. He did the other thing. Yup, you got it. Wacko accused another person of collaborating with the enemy. This time,  it’s none other than the Lebanese Prime Minister, Fouad Seniora.

Apparently, Mr. Resistance seems to think he’s Solomon. He holds the exclusive right of saying who’s pro-Israel and who’s anti-Israel. Naturally, his decision is based solely on his perceived notion of who his allies/opponents are.

Sadly, his followers agree him. Scratch that. They’re not cerebral enough to be accused of making a decision. Let’s just say, they ‘have faith’ in him. After all, he IS a spiritual leader. (Naturally, he’s only a spiritual leader when someone wants to discuss his ‘politics’ with him).

All I want to say is this, Hassan is free to accuse anyone of anything. As stupid as his accusations are, as skewed as his memory is, and as short-sighted as his perception is, it IS his prerogative. I respect his freedom of speech. Because, much to his chagrin, and try as his little army of terrorists may, we are STILL a democracy.

I personally reserve the right to call Hassan Nasrallah a true patriot. An honorable believer in the principles of the state, and a loyal subject.

Of Iran, that is. As a Lebanese, he sucks.

Saddam Ordered to Hang for Deaths in Iraqi Village.

Turns out I was wrong (blog post from Sep. 2004). I was joking… but I was wrong.

Opera reignites Islam row after cancelling production. In the play, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad and Poseidon are beheaded. The Deutsche Oper decided to scratch the opera and replace it by “The Marriage of Figaro”, after Berlin officials warned of possible repercussions (retaliations by Muslims, is what they meant, of course).

Personally, I don’t really get modern theater. People wagging their dicks on stage, throwing up, screaming, acting delusional and what not don’t really strike my artistic chord. Some people get it, though. All that doesn’t matter, since slowly but surely a global censorship is being strictly applied to all facets of civilization.

Islam forbids the representation of their prophet, in fear of it leading to idolatry. The question that begs to be asked is, what’s the difference… you idolize a book, or you idolize the main character… so?

Then there’s the matter of the Pope. God’s messenger on Earth. Of course, Alibaba in Pakistan thinks he’s knowledgeable enough to demand an apology from god’s ambassador (voted in by 120 princes of the church, channeling the divine will, naturally). It’s the same old argument, someone says something, some sheikh or imam or whatnot, somewhere, hears part of it, makes his own (naturally, anti-west, anti-christian, anti-everything) deduction, and unleashes the hordes to burn the respective flags, dolls and other representative material.

The irony of it is in plain sight, as usual. The pope quotes a 14th century dude who says that muslims are violent. Muslims feel enraged, and, you guessed it, turn violent. It’s a vicious cycle, I tell you… stop reminding them, and maybe they’ll stop being violent.

God is infallible, apparently, but his representative is not. The pope knew what he was doing, in my opinion. He could have cited Christian violence as an example. But he didn’t. Christians have been apologizing for ages for every misdeed the church commited in the name of christianity. Why not give an example that’s contemporary for a change? Is it not a fact that most acts of violence the past few years involve Islam? Hizbollah, Alqaeda, Basayev, Zarqawi, Sadr, India, London, Madrid, Germany, New York, Sudan, Denmark, Belgium, Palestine, Jordan, Russia, Indonesia, Singapore, etc… The “causes” might be different, but the bottom line is the same.

It’s about time someone spoke the truth. Islam is a younger religion, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to wait a few centuries for this hot-blooded “young” religion to grow up. The pope hit the nail on the head. Things can not continue this way. It’s about time someone bravely stood up and quoted someone else.

Caught my eye, this news headline:
Blair runs into protests on Lebanon visit

That’s all they can summon? 2000 protestors? For the “lapdog of the great satan”? For shame! Is that the level of support that the Great Hizbollah, Amal and Mr. Fadlallah have?

It’s pathetic., These are people who live by populist opinions and claim public support as their source to legitimacy. 2000 strong.

Respect.

Megalomaniacs with inferiority complexes are the most dangerous sorts around.

I know one in Lebanon. Along with Syria, he opposes the U.N. resolution 1701. Syria opposes it because Assad knows that his tentacles in Lebanon are being chopped one by one. Aoun opposes it because it wasn’t his idea. He feels left out. Sadly, he has followers in Lebanon that are so similar to Hizballah members with their zealousness and blind ideology, that the only way you can differentiate them is by whether or not they have beards, whether or not they pray on Sunday or Friday. Most importantly, what differentiates the two is that Hizballah members know and accept that they’re radicals, whereas Aounists believe that they’re moderate. (I never imagined I could say anything positive about Hizballah!)

It is said that kidnap or rape victims sometimes build a connection with their assailants, and actually fall in love with them. Some psychologists say it’s the victims’ way of coming to terms with their ordeal (by leading themselves to believe that their situtation is one they want to be in). Could it be that the great General’s exile led him to fall in love with those that sent him away and kept him there, that he is turning into their chief evangelist?!

He says that the Lebanese should follow him to find salvation. Apparently, Jesus Christ has returned to the world of men, except that God seems to have demoted him from Lord and Savior into General.

Bah.

A 21-year old “LEBANESE” student was arrested on terror charges in Germany a couple of days ago. He was planning to bomb commuter trains in two German cities. Apparently, he was able to place the bombs on the trains, but they didn’t detonate when they should have.

“Terrorism has reached Germany”, as the media would like to put it. I personally was always doubtful of any terror attacks inside of Germany, because these guys have so much free reign over here (what with acceptance and the prevalent anti-anti-racism campaigns) that any attack would only harm their cause.

The question for today’s game is quite simple. Guess the kid’s religion. (hint: It’s one of the three major monotheistic religions!)

Wait… it’s over?

Did I miss something? How? Who won? What were the concrete results? The Israelis are leaving, but Hizbollah is neither dismantled nor decapitated! Hizbollah is stopping, but what about their holy war, their righteous cause, the prophet and the nation? What happened behind closed doors?

How is any normal, sane person to believe that this is normal!? Two enemies going at it like Ron Jeremy before he metamorphosed into a bear suddenly see the light of reason and decide that the innocents should suffer no more?

End result, Hizbollah is still there, the IDF soldiers are still kidnapped, the dead are still dead and the displaced are still displaced. Call me an optimistic fool, but I don’t think it will be that way for a long time. A deal was struck, Hizbollah is moving towards laying down its arms, the army is moving to the south, the soldiers will be returned (maybe exchanged for the brave resistance warrior Samir Qantar [since when is walking into a home and cold-bloodedly butchering a family called resistance, btw?]), the displaced will go back home.

As for the dead… well, if they’re soldiers, then it’s a job hazard. If they’re Hizbollah, they’re probably up there having orgies in rivers of honey. And the rest? Well, let’s get real here… when were they ever a factor? when has anyone ever really cared?

I’m blogging involuntarily, in a way. Starting a new job and a new chapter in my life had pushed blogging, flickering and other things to the background. Nothing like a war (if you must call it that… extermination is what I call it) to drag you back into it.

I’d started out by saying that the Israelis were justified (sad as that may be), nothing like an attack some 200 meters from where I grew up and my family still lives to make you reconsider. A hizbullah agent in my town is as incognito as a rapper at a KKK meeting. Yet still, the Israelis saw fit to attack two trucks, one empty, one carrying cement, in the middle of a busy street. True the attacks were precise, and not even the street was touched, but still, I have to ask why. The Israeli army is the one of the most advanced in the world, and the rate of civilian casualties has been too high to pass as accidental. I don’t put it beyond Hizbollah to hide between civilians (or to be civilians in disguise, so to speak), but still. Hizbollah is NOT Lebanon, and Lebanon is not Hizbollah. The extent of these attacks has gone beyong the acceptable boundaries of bombing a terrorist group. These attacks are also driving the anti-hizbollah Lebanese (and there’s quite a few of us) to question whether there is a hidden agenda, and whether the motives exceed the simple disarmament and disabling of hizbollah.

God knows it’s hard to detach oneself, and to be completely “objective” for a Lebanese when he sees his country’s infrastructure being destroyed and his compatriots dying, but I can’t help but have this constant thought in my head: Those that started it are more guilty. I don’t know what it means.

The Lebanese prime minister spoke up and said that the Lebanese army will go to the South, brave words, hopefully, soon to be supported by brave acts.

More and more Lebanese are saying: Fuck you. Fuck you both. Fuck Hizballah and fuck Israel. And it’s more than understandable.

I left work this afternoon and headed to a cafe to work some more (how approriate). Sitting next to me were two girls, one of them looked oriental. I didn’t really pay much attention to them, but I knew they were there, and having some airy conversation. Her phone rang. She picks up, and the tension in her voice is palpable:

“Where?”

“When?”

“Oh no…”

“How many?”

She hangs up close to tears.

All of this was in German, of course. I could sense that this was THE WAR, OUR WAR (the one we were dragged into feet first, that is). I looked at her and asked “The war?” And she said “Yes.”

“What happened?”

“They bombed a residential building, three victims so far… It’s crazy”

I could see this girl sitting in a cafe in downtown Beirut, or clubbing, or dancing at a beach party… And I could see that she knew that we had at least one thing in common… that fucking war.

My heart twisted and shrank, as it does whenever I learn of new bombs… I asked her what town was bombed.

“Nahariya”.

Like it or not, we are in this together. There are innocents dying on both sides, and there are people who care about their countries on both sides receiving phone calls like that, giving them a jolt of reality and reminding them of the fragility of life. Sadly, I see no solution on the horizon. More innocent deaths, breeding more hatred between the citizens of two countries that are, in end effect, destined (cursed?) to be neighbors.

I see no path that can be taken to stop the downward spiral that Lebanon is caught in. It’s a sad fact that the Israelis won’t listen to the international community, that Hizbollah won’t voluntarily give up its weapons and terrorist ways, and that innocent civilians are powerless against the bombs raining down on them.

I see various endings to this tragedy.

1- Israel realizes that they can’t destroy hizbollah, and stop this operation. This is bad because it will give Hassouna a strong boost in morale and encourage him to escalate his attacks, leading to more (and regular) Israeli responses and dragging the country back to the instability of the last decade. This also justifies a “resistance” and pushes us even further away from the goal of peace.

2- Israel manages to kill nasrallah and his lieutenants, leading the shiites to go crazy and burn the country themselves.

3- Israel escalates, and regardless of the outcome, the country is set back 20 years…

The only positive (relatively) outcome I see is that this results in the disarmament of god’s party therefore turning into the last offensive against Lebanon, ridding us of the Syrian influence, and maybe leading to more peaceful times. The loss of innocent lives, saddening and disgusting as it is, will not have been in vain. Again, I don’t see this happening unless Nasrallah is killed and the government moves in quickly, dissolving Hizbollah or maybe reaching an agreement by including them in the army. With Nasrallah alive, this would threaten the unity of the army and lead everyone to question its allegiance, but with him gone, his thugs might be controlled.

Here’s hoping that innocent civilians don’t have to suffer any more than they already have. Here’s hoping that Syria’s last straw doesn’t turn out to be a fuse to something bigger. Here’s hoping that Hizbullah’s last breaths are short, and bring a sigh of relief to the rest of the population. Here’s hoping that it really must get worse before it gets better. Here’s hoping that this is the last backwards step, and from here on we’re moving forward. Here’s hoping that peace is around the corner.

When you attacked without being provoked, you are a resistance movement. When you sacrifice a country for your agenda, you are righteous.

Tribal Mentality:

So, you cross into a sovereign nation, kill some of their soldiers and kidnap others. Of course you’re justified, they’re soldiers. That’s what they’re there for. What, the nation wants retribution? Murderers! Imperialists! Zionists! Leave me alone, I don’t want to play anymore. Wait, how about I trade you my soldiers for yours? That’s fair? No? Maaaaaaaa! The big bad zionist doesn’t want to let me play… Maaaaaa!

Retribution:

So, you want your soldiers back? Why? They’re cowards? Aren’t they? I mean… no, they’re not cowards. They’re willing to die. Right? No? Jihaaaad! (oops, sorry), no let’s talk. This is a fun game, I sneak in and hurt you every once in a while, then you say ok let’s negotiate. No? You want to hurt me back? You’re invading? Maaaaaa! Invador!!!! You’re not allowed…. I am, of course… I’m still a baby.

Logic:

What is tworisem? What is an ehkonomi? What is a cuntry? Who is nay-sean? What is a low?

Sense:

Syria? Oh, they have prisoners as well? No. We can’t fight Syria. They’re not dirty jews. They’re muslims. That’s haram. The Lebanese prisoners there? Oh, it’s not important, they’re christians.

Politics:

You can’t criticize me, I’m a religious figure. Kaboom. We are fighters, we are politicians. What? Don’t criticize me, I’m a religious figure. If you express an opinion different from mine, you’re a traitor zionist dog. What? Shush, I’m a religious figure. I will cut your arms and gouge your eyes. Because I’m a religious figure. I’m a religious figure, yes i’m the real religious figure. What? Eminem? Shut up, I’m a religious figure. whatever.

Analysis:

Let’s be blind-sighted, selective and subjective for a minute here. What’s wrong with you people? So we invaded israel first and kidnapped soldiers. That’s history. Let’s forget about that and start analysing WHY they’re fighting back. Come on, let’s say that we didn’t kidnap anyone. Ok? Israel might have still attacked for some other reason. It’s possible? Can you deny it completely? No. See!? Haha, I win! Maaaaa… I won! Let’s assume that we didn’t do anything, and that they attacked for no reason. It’s more fun to come up excuses and crazy theories than to be evolved creatures for a minute.

(And now, Ahmad, for the grand finale….) Why?:

1- Hizbullah reduces the pressure on the Palestinians, allowing them to blow up more busses.

2- Hizbullah captures the world’s attention, diverting the pressure from Iran and its’ continued terrorist attempts at obtaining nuclear weapons.

3- Hizbullah acts on Syrian orders to destabilize Lebanon, to pay Lebanon back for kicking Syria out, and to promote the idea that Lebanon is unable to govern itself.

4- Little baby Assaad was frightened by the planes buzzing his summer crib. The saddest thing: Idiots who try to justify or condone this.

Iran’s terrorist-in-chief proudly proclaimed today that if Israel bombed Syria, it would be tantamount to declaring war on the arab/muslim world… I guess suddenly, Lebanon is not part of that world. I don’t know whether to be enraged, to laugh my ass off, or to feel relief.

Meanwhile, in the southern suburbs of Beirut, Hassan and co. hide behind the “poor shiite population” whom they “protect”. Talk about popular support. Over a decade ago, another figure, Gen. Michael Aoun, took refuge in the presidential palace during the Syrian offensive. The public went to him and voluntarily formed a human shield. If the people want you, they will come to you wherever you are. That IS popular support. You don’t wave your guns from behind the civilians that you claim to protect, Hassouna, that’s cowardice. You don’t bomb Haifa you son of a dog, that’s terrorism. You don’t endanger a whole country while the guy holding your leash (aforementioned terrorist-in-chief) huffs and puffs about Israel potentially bombing Syria.

Meanwhile, in the lebanese blogger forum, the same old rhetoric, from new faces… One guy wants to ban Israelis from commenting… Guess who he supports? These retarded attitudes serve no good purpose. All they do is promote hatred, and push the idea of peace further and further away.

Meanwhile, right here, a reader is surprised: “If I would not have seen this, I would not have believed it- rational, reasonable and cogent observations on the current situation, coming from Lebanon.” Although I agree with a lot of what he wrote after that, condescension is not they way to someone’s heart. Eh?

Disclaimer: Gen. Aoun still sucks. He wants to negotiate the prisoner release/swap? I guess the Israelis should level the southern suburb, otherwise the good general’s EGO won’t fit if he ever wanted to go to the airport.

Samir Geagea, head of the Lebanese Forces, a Christian former militia which was allied with Israel during the civil war, openly condemned Hizbollah’s actions. “Those who carried out the operation, regardless of its success, have no right to hold the fate of the Lebanese people hostage to their own decisions,” he told reporters. “There are large number detained in Syrian jails but is it rational for us to carry out an abduction of Syrian troops and negotiate with them for the release of our detainees?”

- Reuters AlertNet

So here we are again. Beirut int’l airport is disabled. The sea ports are under an Israeli naval blockade. The country is handicapped, the tourist season shot. For what?

The Lebanese are strong. We will rebuild and persevere.  Just like we’ve done before. This is not a question of whether we can survive this, because that is a forgone conclusion. The question is why we are faced with this yet again. Why must we live in a constant state of readiness to rebuild? Can we draw a conclusion from the experiment that is Lebanon: coexistence is impossible? Is that the answer? Is it not possible for a nation to survive when it has more than one religion? Or is it just impossible for a nation to survive when a sizeable islamist element exists alongside a sizeable “moderate” one?

The country has a fragile unity that is being held in place by a few strands, so it’s only natural that Hizbullah (and Syria/Iran by proxy) are doing their best to destroy this.  One could hope that this last act of unjustified violence will shatter the perception that God’s party does anything for the greater good of Lebanon, and that your average Joe (and more importantly, your average Ali) realizes that Hizbullah are terrorists who put themselves on a pedestal due to the religious nature of their leadership (and heaven forbid you criticize a religious figure) while carrying themselves no better than Al-qaida, the Taliban or any other blood-thirsty group.

Let’s hope the Israeli punishment is swift, and let’s hope that it results in an upheaval. Send the army to the south. Dismantle Hizbullah. Deal with the Palestinians. Arrest terrorists. Negotiate a peace treaty with Israel and let’s broaden this coexistence experiment to include Jews.

Or would it be simpler to just prepare for war?

Some believe that Lebanon is an Arab country. Others want nothing to do with our “arab brethren”. Some want a federal country split along quasi-religious lines. Others want to be seen as westerners. Some like beer, others don’t. Some are alcoholics, others believe that drinking alcohol is a sin. Miniskirts and burkas, crosses and crescents… it’s all good.

The fundamental building block is the concept of a country. When that is agreed upon, everything else is ok. Everything can be discussed, proposed, debated and decided upon.

Then you’ve got fuckers who believe Lebanon is a scapegoat for their Islamist goals. They think Lebanon is a pressure valve whose purpose of existence is to tickle a monster in order to capture its’ attention and allow other fuckers to prepare their bombs in peace.

I’m talking of my favorite bunch of ragheads… god’s own, of course.

What the fuck is wrong with these retards? Kidnapping Israeli soldiers? fighting them, drawing them into the country? And why? Has anything happened recently? Did the Isreali warplanes’ buzzing of the Syrian dictator’s summer palace bother the “resistance” so much? Do they feel with the Palestinian cause enough to risk their own “country”? Well… they don’t believe in the country, true… so I guess that’s not a valid argument.

What’s happening in Israel is always a sad thing, but it’s not our thing. Nothing good has come from Palestinians. They’ve meant pain and suffering and war ever since they became in any way a part of the Lebanese sphere.We’ve also suffered enough for them and their cause.

And then comes Hassan, who also probably doesn’t give a shit about the Palestinians, and starts riling the Israelis up. Are the Iranis planning something, and therefore asked you to provide some cover fire? Are your masters in Syria sending a message to Israel? Go to fucking Iran you bastard. What do you want with us? You’re not Lebanese… you are the antithesis of anything and everything Lebanese.

How about not being stupid? Do you want an Israeli invasion? Is that what you want you hairy-assed masochists? I don’t get it. The world is moving forward, and terrorist and rogue nations are being sidelined. Lebanon was on its way up, somehow, ridding itself of the Syrians, open “discussions” in parliament, breaching taboo subjects… There was a glimmer of hope. What are we now? A nation on the terror list again?

Most-Wanted Chechen Rebel Basayev Killed.

Another one bites the dust… raf’d say “nuff said”.

Personally, I’m thinking of starting a blog just to report whenever one of these nice gentlemen is taken down. Just a name, date and a big “HELL YEAH!”.

So the bastard met his maker. Yay. His “spiritual advisor” (a bhuddist, for sure), and top seven lieutenants went with him… here’s hoping they’re enjoying a good single malt in hell, and discovering what they missed out on in life. To the maggots, happy feeding… hope you like scum.

Since this is somewhat ‘political’, and since I haven’t talked about this for a while, I should reiterate that Hassan Nasrallah definitely sucks donkey ass. Evolve or die, darwin said… the dodo bird will be waiting for this guy down in the seventh level.

Tada.

I grew up on the fringe of the Lebanese ‘civil’ war. I didn’t live in a high-risk area, and I missed the bulk of the war. I do have some memories of those days, though, most of the stories here, are from my own memory, the first, I don’t remember.

The early years of my life were spent in Sidon, right during the Israeli invasion. My dad, a surgeon, was away, doing what surgeons do. My parents tell me that around the time I started to speak, he was back at home, but apparently, it took me a while to stop calling him ‘mr.’ and start calling him ‘dad’.

Much later, in the late eighties early nineties, I’d already been living in Byblos for a few years. One day (or one month, the span is jumbled up in my head), the fighting started between the LF and the Lebanese Army (led by that orange megalomaniac), and we decided it would be safer to leave our fifth story flat and stay at my grandma’s place. I remember walking down the stairs (the elevator wasn’t working, surprise surprise), being told to stay away from the windows because of danger from stray bullets. Halfway down, I remember I’d left my He-man action figures at home. War? HE-MAN! Master of the Universe! I (or maybe, I had one of my parents go in my place?) went back up the stairs and got my red bag that contained Heman, his pet lion, skeletor, she-ra, reptile, and the gang. I couldn’t live without them.

The only other thing I remember from that period was that my dad had back trouble, and sleeping on a mattress on the floor wasn’t the best thing for it. I worried about him not being able to stay standing for hours to operate on people… or was I just worried about affording he-man’s latest nemesis?

Again, the timeline is jumbled up, but during the last Lebanese/Syrian battle, we were up in our village house, sandbags covering the entrance and windows. We were all sleeping in a bundle on the ground floor (1.5 meter thick walls)… my favorite aunt’s main worry was the chandelier hanging above the mattress. She would sleep below it and make me and my brothers sleep to the sides. My baby brother’s crib was strategically placed in the middle of the room. We always worried he’d be scarred by the war… he’s not exactly normal, but I wouldn’t blame that on the war
Ceasefire was a nice time. Our village was strategically place halfway between a Syrian base and a Lebanese Army one. The former being the excellent marksmen that they were, we had more than our fair share of shells falling around the house. My grandfather would take me out during ceasefire (what the hell kind of war is it when they announce that they’re taking a break??? Sorta like British tea-time in Asterix and Obelix) and we would gather shrapnel. Small pieces of death-metal. That’s where my passion for metal probably started. Sometimes the pieces would still be warm. Ahh, childhood.

The war was now over, but kids being kids, we had to reinact battles all the time. The village was split into three parts, the lower section, the main part (which we called ‘the village’, naturally), and the higher area. Children joined the ‘army’ of their part of town. It started out as gang roaming the streets, evolved to slings loaded with beans and what not, and ended when I burned an eyebrow when a firework rocket backfired instead of flying at the enemy.

VW Golfs were all the rage in the early nineties. Summers were spent in the village, and, with my older cousin visiting, mischief was rampant. Our neighbor had just bought a Golf (I still associate that family with VW Golfs, regardless)… so me and my cousin naturally filled his gas tank with water. That got us grounded for a few days. Toiletpaper grenades (toilet paper rolled in a bunch, soaked in water, shaped into a ball and left to dry and harden) were cause for more punishment… My girl cousin, having overheard our latest plans at world domination, was locked in the bathroom for a few hours. THEY found her an hour (or was it just a few minutes?) later, and punished us when we got back home. Good times.

I wanted to regale you with tales of my “war memories” but i’m drifting into more general childhood stuff… thing is, I woke up today, and started recollecting these stories, I always fear forgetting this stuff, that once, a couple of years ago, I created a diary software that ended up being more of a memory book than an actual diary. Anyway. Bye.

World leaders should masturbate before crucial summits. That should take the edge off, and allow conflicts to be resolved faster.