Relationships
I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I’ve never been in a semi-serious relationship. I have, for a while now, thought that I absolutely need a long-term relationship, none of the 2-4 week things that I’m always having…
You see, it’s not like I start dating someone with a plan on my mind, it’s just that I get bored with the person (not the fooling around, not the intimacy, not the sex, just the person), and as soon as I’m bored, I have to move on. I’m not one to work things through, I don’t believe that everything is worth fighting for… so I move on.
That has always left me feeling empty somehow. I’ve dated a lot of women over the past few years, but none have lasted more than a few weeks. And I’m usually the one that ends things. It’s better that way, I believe. Honesty is the least that I owe them. The reasons never make sense… the vague “it’s not working out” is the plat-du-jour… you can’t exactly come out and tell someone that they bore the hell out of you now, can you?
Anyway, this led me to believe that what I need is a serious relationship, with someone that I can share a lot with, and stay interested in after sleeping together, or sometimes even after the first kiss. Someone that stimulates me, as a whole, and not just some parts of me,
I’ve been reconsidering that lately. I think that deep down inside I really want the short-term thing. I just want to absorb one girl and move on to the next. That’s why I get bored easily. I want out. I realise this makes me seem asshole-ish, or maybe, a pig, but honesty should count for something, right? I won’t pretend to be interested, it’s just not worth it. As long as I’m intersted, i’m in, when I stop being interested, eject.
So, I think I will end my search for a serious relationship. Actually, I will end my search, fullstop. Come what may.
I think too much.
June 17th, 2005 at 10:52 pm
Me thinks thou doth think too much!
I hate to sound patronizing or condescending, but you can search all you like my dear Tempest and it will all be for naught.
You can be in control of these little flings because that is what they are - flings. But that all-stimulating sensation - the long-term relationship of which you speak - will never be because you willed it. It will seek you out. When that person enters your life, she will pervade your every thought in spite of you. And no matter how much you try, you will never feel you can bear being away from her, let alone get bored.
The sooner you realize what little part your mind will play in getting to that relationship the sooner you can let go of your guilt. Your heart will tell you once you’re there.
And now having fullfilled my daily quota of sentimentality, I can get back to being the brooding silent type. Have a nice day.